im so tired. emotionally. i just want peace at heart...i pretend that i have, but no! in certain instances -as tonight- it shoves my lie into my face. a lie that i ran away confessing myself for years..im not perfect-well nobody does. but it's imposed to be that way since im a child.i always say that im 23 but i feel 40 sometimes and sometimes 10. not normal right?
im waiting, i've been waiting all my life so far, for emotional satisfaction, but no again! nothing helps.

im just tired bottom line. of all this struggle, all this introduction of yourself..it's like trying to teach the alphabet over and over again. and what a pity that i'm so overwhelmed with this at a young age. i have to 'market' myself all the rest of my life. and for what at the end? that still possesses the big question mark at the end.

i've been questioning myself for over a year now about where i'm going, if i did right by giving the decisions i've given so far (like continue studying etc)... you turn back to where you start everytime you question. that's why i said 'life is interesting'..it can play so many games at a time, that u need a map to catch up! on one hand it's great to welcome the unexpected but on the other hand, well it's a tiring process, the spontaneity.

that's how i feel.